A Tromatic night meeting Lloyd Kaufmann...

Wait did I just say that the mutants are the most important part?  I should have picked the hot ladies... damn.  Well this is an article about Citizen Toxie: The Toxic Avenger 4 after all, I'll just have to stick with my picks.

First off, Citizen Toxie is very close to a perfect Troma movie, if that's even possible considering the Troma crew shoots these things over multiple years.

But don't let me get ahead of myself.  I was so worried about missing a night with Lloyd Kaufmann, creator and director of Troma Pictures, that I rushed to downtown LA bright and early  to get my tix for the midnight show.Cthulu is trademarked by the devil.

Meeting up with B. Alan before midnight we headed over to the Lammele Sunset to see how big the line was.  Shame on you Los Angeles Troma fans, there was no line, no sold out sign, no Tromettes dancing in the street.

Bully for us though, we had time to grab some drinks and drink we did.  We ventured into a blacklight wormhole of a bar.  They had a dj spinning some kind of tech-step oldschool and promised BEER and WINE on the sign.  Now I've been tricked before by the Christian Right and their van of mystery, so I was wary.

Turns out this is what happens to acidheads with a business plan, a little food and drink bar with tons of blacklights, trippy posters and a giant Cthulu suit hanging from the ceiling.   4 buck beers sounded like a decent bet in this neighborhood and so we imbibed.

Heading back to the theater we spotted the Toxic Avenger himself, as well as Sgt. Kubikiman NYPD, handing out flyers.

Toxie looked like he had gained a few pounds since I had last seen him in Toxic Avenger 3.

But then I remembered that it's the Troma FANS that get the pleasure of dancing around as Toxie and Kabukiman at these events.

You didn't think that was me in that suit did you?  Anyways, Mr. Lloyd Kaufmann was standing in the lobby of theater signing stuff and taking photos.  How rad is that?   SuperRad!

So we snapped some shots and basically just hung out in the lobby for a bit.  Mr. Kaufmann was super nice and signed B. Alan and my Troma flyers.

He shook our hands and almost pleading with us said, "I hope you enjoy the movie."   He meant it.  He actually cared if B. Alan and I would or wouldn't enjoy his f*d up movie, Citizen Toxie.

We found our seats as Lloyd and crew entered the theater.  Mr. Kaufmann introduced Count Smokula, a painfully annoying musician, and he played us the Toxic Avenger theme song... and various other painful songs.  Lloyd Kaufmann tried to reassure us by saying that Count Smokula wowed the Cannes Film Festival.  Whoo boy.  After watching this guy sing, and the plush sized Toxic Avenger and Sgt. KabukiFAN dancing around, we'd pretty much enjoy watching anything, so bring on the movie... but nope...  Mr. Kaufmann then went into hard-core Q&A mode.

He answered questions about fighting the system, deciding how to kill off people, and how to make the best Troma Flick.  He said he was currently filming the end to "Tales from the Crapper", which had really great cameo's, and that to make a Troma movie you had to "eat cheese sandwiches three times a day, sleep on whatever floor you can, and defecate in a paper bag."  Check... Check... Hey... Check... Hey Lloyd, does that mean I can direct the next Troma Movie?

My favorite part of the interview session was when he asked if anyone knew a good way to kill someone off and this demure little goth chick raised her hand.  Her "death" of choice was to have someone die by castrating themselves on a belt sander.  Lloyd said he wasn't sure you'd die from that, but it sure would be rough.  *get it... rough... sander... ha ha ha... nope... still not funny.

Ok so then Lloyd talked about how we, the youth of america, need to pirate media, movies, music, etc. to thwart the devil-worshiping c*cksucking Corporate Machines that attempt to run our lives.  Like we aren't already doing that... thanks for the tip... but hey... we've already been doing that for quite some time.

Anyways, it was a great Q&A and it seemed like Lloyd didn't want to stop answering questions.   He offered up a contest to the audience; who could come up with a name for the Class of Nuke 'Em High box set... something like Nuk'em Puk'em Box... and as always reminded us that you can submit scripts. 

My script idea is a remake of Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, but with a young kid taking over the Troma studios.  That'd be rad.  That shit writes itself... you steal it, I sue.

Ok.   So Xjan get to the movie!

Toxic Avenger 4 kicked off with Taco Day at the local Tromaville Mentally Handicapped School.   Need I say more?


Alright.   Citizen Toxie is very close to a perfect Troma movie, the editing needs some help *i thought I was going to be sick*, and the plot gets kinda lost near the middle.   But it's got hot girls, guns, deaths, Toxie, recycled Troma footage, a talking decapatated head named Poppy, and super cool mutants.

The worst of the best is a mutant that was formed when rapper Master G collided with Derick Bader forming... of course... Master Bader... a rapper in a robe that raps and whacks at the same time.

It also has great cameo's by Ron "the hedgehog" Jeremy, Hank the Angry Dwarf, a naked Julie Strain, and thank the lord, a not-naked Corey Feldman.  And you get to see the Toxic Avenger in some great make-up, and Sgt. Kabukiman NYPD returns as the drunk cop with special chopstick and sushi powers.  Inside scoop is that Kabukiman could be getting his own movie pretty soon via some Japanese investors.

The storyline of Citizen Toxie?  Well, basically Toxie tries to save the Mentally Handicapped Tromaville kids from a bomb, but ends up being blown into another dimension.   A dimension where Tromaville's beloved Toxie is evil and everyone fears him.   Also, his evil counterpart Noxie is blown into Tromaville at the same time and causes ultimate destruction.

I can't even describe the horrors... and the wonders... that await you in Citizen Toxie, and that in itself is an accomplishment by Mr. Lloyd Kaufmann and the employees at Troma.   Whatever monkeys they've got typing out this stuff should get an extra bananna this month.  Eek Eek.

Citizen Toxie: Toxic Avenger 4 is available in a special 2 DVD release coming this March.   You can find out more about it by clicking on More Stuff below.

If you like Troma then you've got to check out this movie, because with each Troma movie they only get better... I mean sh*t they can't get much worse, right?

Thank you Mr. Kaufmann and Troma for putting such a sweet, sweet movie on film.  Mr. Kodak would be mmm... proud?