July.  Another month closer to xmas.

Holy crizapple.... who the f*ck stole June.

I turn around and it's stinkin July...

You're happy... cuz you get to party with all your fireworks... and hot dogs... and your red, white, AND blue...you festive bitches...

So what's new? I think the most fun that my website provides me... is that I can see what brought ya'll here... like... maybe you're searching for pabst t-shirts... belt buckles... and you check out the PBR factoid... dig it... or maybe you were searching for info on the elusive Bubba Hotep flick.. cool... and then you're swimming in pirate core culture.   rock.

what I don't get... is the weird searches... whats up with you?

You're looking for werewolf girls?  Johnny Depp naked?  Trucker Ass???? Homemade Robots?

You search for this shit... i see it every day.... like every day you are huntin for "Hot Chick Pictures"... what is up with that... don't you know where to look?  Are you angry it's Rob Schneider's "Hot Chick"?

Ok... I'll hook you perv's up.... Check out this webbie for The HoTTesT chick... Masuimi Max... cuz she rocks supreme!...

She's been in tons of magazines... like Stuff... in paintings by Olivia... spins a wicked fire show... looks awesome in latex... and um.. yeah.

She's even in the newest Troma flick "Tales from the Crapper"!  Check out iamtrouble.com for more about Masuimi!

Im not sure where to find werewolf girls... but keep on searching dude.

I did sit thru that flick bout the werewolf sister... sucked... love Howling 2 and 3 tho... so hot... you f*ckers had shit like "Farrah Fawcett"... up on your wall... maybe "Kristy McNichol & Tatum O'Neal" from "Little Darlin's"... but I'd still take on ANY super hot australian werewolf girl any day of the week.... rar!

Me I had posters like this that I'd get for free for ordering mass Pac-Man joke books from Troll.  What was my mom thinking letting me put pictures of cute little cats with "Hang in There" quotes all over my room...?

Freaking horses and unicorns too... I still like unicorns tho.. I use to picture them getting angry and ramming their spiral horns into "normal" horses... screaming.. get out of my way f*cker.. Im a stinkin mythical beast...

Um.. i got lost... oh yeah.. Johnny Depp Naked... or Naked Pirates... bite me.  I'm not helping you there.

But here is some new Pirate Core shit... check out this kick ass pirate stuff...

A wicked Sailor Jerry sign on ebay (buy it for me and I'll love you 4ever. promise.)... a Pirate paintin from the amazing Fawn Gehweiler... (fellow pirate addict)... a zuper-kool Pirate Julius watch from paul frank... and a kick ass pirate pizza (an online find courtesy of sUpeR pIrate luver *meGaN)

WHaT you sHOULd be searching for... are these japanese "Gothic & Lolita Bible" magazines...

more like little books... so cool... its a catalog of like super goth... super renaissance garb... super spendy... for japanese girls... got photos and all... so freakin awesome...

Go read the full article on it... but just let me say... this mag makes me want to be a vampire in Japan. 

I might even join this Japanese teen vampire website where teen vampires can get together and um.. vamp...

Vamp was an awesome movie... nobody just "Vamps" anymore... its all... suck your blood.. and "look at my perfect fake vampire teeth"... molded to perfection... and "arrghh.. no the sun". 

<-Here is Masuimi dressed up like sultry Vampirella...

And let me just say... that the freaking 80's were the best for horror-comedy... f*ck the leprechaun.. cuz I still dig watching "House"... "House II"... "Fright Night".. "Vamp"... "Phantasm"... "April Fool's Day"... always my favorite pick for a sleepover party back in the day.

"Critters"... "Ghoulies"... "Troll"... "Gremlins"...  they're all the same right?  "Waxworks II"... this one rocks... the Evil Dead flicks...

My fave cheese flicks being "Saturday the 14th"... so bad.  Who were the geniuses that came up with this one.

Plus this flick with Timothy Stack from  "Son of the Beach"... can't member the name... just hunted for it for the last hour or so... i have it on vhs somewhere... it's a horror spoof on all the 80's horror movies... its actually really really good... the same way that "Saturday the 14th" is good...

The penultimate must be this 1981 gem... "The Pit"... with a freaky tagline... "Jamie wouldn't kill anyone... unless Teddy told him to!"... its about a bad little boy pushing handicapped people down into a hole filled with monsters... cuz his teddy bear told him to....

you know... anytime a bear with light up eyes tells you to take pictures of a girl undressing... say no.  Even if she's wicked hot.  That's a life lesson yo.

I never get tired of the searches that you kids do... just today you looked for "white trash caps"... and "statues of f*cking"... now that's true comedy...

and hey... if you want me to start peddlin PBR clothes... white trash caps... whatever the f*ck you look for every damn day... I could do that... but then I'd have to see your ass on the street wearing a glorious Pabst Blue Ribbon T-shirt...  some camouflage pants... a John Deere or a Buck Knife hat... thinkin you're cool cuz you look like my backwoods cousin... don't know if I could live with myself then....

till the next...

=xjan