Bubba Hotep is not a movie about Bill Clinton in Egypt

AND AND Bruce Campbell plays an elderly Elvis who is staying in the very same rural rest home. And there's a crazy JFK that's missing a tiny bit of his brain... replaced by a stinkin bag of sand... and his skin has been dyed black by the government!!! With all that it just isn't conceivable how this film could go wrong... right??!!!

And then I actually saw it... the holy grail... an unreleased flick.. with no plans for distribution.... starring Bruce Campbell... as f*kin Elvis! Dude! Sweet!

Read B. Alan Orange's review of Bubba Hotep.

"Bubba Hotep" was only booked for one show and so my buddy B. Alan went crazy trying to get tix for us (read his article by clicking on the bubba to the left)... and the show sold out thanks to Harry Knowles tight ass and fat wallet... wait... reverse that...

But luckily the power of scientology + hollywood buzz caused the Mann's Egyptian Theater to add a second showing. And we just barely got tix for that.

We showed up relatively early... jumped in line... saw some famous peeps just kicking it... and wandered into our seats. Ok, so I'm somewhat new school to the whole vibe down here... but I've never seen so many deals being done in the men's bathroom line... and I'm not talking about drug deals... you can see that anywhere.

One dude was like totally jumping from person to person.. Hi.. Hello.. I met you at blah blah... and you're blah blah... yeah how's your project... it's buzzing... mine too.. we should chat... oh wait we are... hah haha.. oops are you peeing on my leg... oh wait you are... hahahah... are you deficient... hahaha... then that same dude would like hang out until someone else he saw came in... anyways.. there was like a freaking million of these little meet and greets going on... all while patiently waiting to pee... or peeing in some cases... what nerve... and DON'T talk on your cell phone in the public restroom!! I already hear enough voices... I certainly don't need to hear yours... *flush* can you hear me now? *flush*

Give me some sugar... and stick it in my fluffernutter.

So then I sit down... realize that I'm sitting right by Coop--the artist.. super cool... (check out the pirate-core article for a little bit more on Coop...) and wait for Senor Bruce to appear.

After some introduction mumbo-jumbo about supporting Indie cinema... the Egyptian brought out the Director of "Bubba Hotep"... the same dude that directed "Phantasm". And he talked for a bit about crap...

Then came the man, Bruce Campbell. Bruce was sporting a slightly creepy shaved head and toothbrush mustache, hopefully for his new self-produced movie about saving the Oregon land he lives around... or for the Sci-Fi flick about earwigs... let's go with the earwigs and move on.

The audience attempted to give him a standing ovation, but they were all slackers... lazy underachievers and so mostly sat motionless - hoping someone walking by would click on the tv channel remote and start the movie.

Instead the audience was treated to an ultra short chat with Bruce. He stated that "Bubba Hotep" was "REAL Independent Cinema"... self-produced with no distribution deal.... questioned the audience with "Am I your little monkey?"... and berated them into keeping quiet their undying love for Ash by yelling "Suck Shit Twat" (*ed. note -- I'm not sure if he capitalized these or not when he said them) at the top of his lungs at anyone that dared to speak out of turn.

Not to say that he was mean... I think he was just tired of the song and dance... remember this was show #2.... and so maybe he just wanted the Bubba Ho-trip to end.

And so they rolled the film. "Bubba Hotep" with all its hopes and promises began to unfold itself on the screen. Now don't get me wrong, any movie with Bruce Campbell as Elvis couldn't be bad. Unless it also starred Ellen Degeneres... let's not go there though. (*maybe she was the mummy)

It is SO plausible, to me, that Elvis could be rotting away in some rest home right as we speak. In the story of "Bubba Hotep" Elvis switches places with an Elvis impersonator way before his death... in order to enjoy life away from the spotlight... Then "Elvis" died making it impossible for the real Elvis to be "Elvis" again... then the Elvis had some hip problems and ended up in a rest home watching the days spin by.

Elvis's best friend is JFK and the actor that plays him steals most of the scenes away from Bruce... which means he rocks... Anyways a lot has changed with JFK since he "died"... he is elderly now... he's black... he's got a bag of sand in his head... and he's extremely paranoid about everything...

I'm not going to expose anything about King Tut or any of the other characters in case you ever get the pleasure of seeing this movie.

OK, so what's wrong with "Bubba Hotep"... let's keep it brief... it's a short story stretched into an hour and a half flick... the shots look like an amateur shot them.. shitty lighting... sparse sets... not enough Elvis flashbacks... shitbox editing at the roll changes... and much more than "indie cinema" should be able to get away with.

On a happy note... There are tons of one-liners... classic Bruce... some groovy fight sequences.... great flashbacks... great makeup... a Mummy killing old people.. and some horny Elvis movements that are just great. And if you loved Phantasm's cam angles... then you'll probably dig this.

So overall I suppose "Bubba Hotep" is a must see... at some point... don't rush. Bruce is the best Elvis since... well... Elvis... and that's coming from the heart.

Too bad he didn't stick around to see all the people waiting to chat with him after the movie. I mean you've got to "work it" Bruce. I mean shit... "Is it working? Let me search it. Find out how hard you needs to work it. Furroom zipple zipple ney yet"... see even Missy Elliot knows you've got to work it.

Maybe you could have gotten that distribution you wanted... maybe a new "Brisco County"... maybe a leading role in a big budget type flick... I mean shit... this is Hollywood. That's what you were there for, right?

Bruce Campbell also has a vid game, based on the Evil Dead series, coming out this year... called "Fistful of Broomsticks"... for the PS2 and Xbox. And Bruce is doing the voice-overs for it too. On the sad side, the game is using the same engine as "State of Emergency".... hopefully it gives more play value.

Wrapping up... I'm not stepping on Bruce... I've got my little anti-signed postcard from writing to Bruce... I know what's up... I'm a fan to the bone... I mean Bruce is the king and everything he touches is somewhat golden... and sticky... let's not talk about the sticky... let's not even talk about the golden... let's just go and see anything and everything that has Bruce in it... and no fast forwarding just to see Bruce's cameo... unless it's "The Majestic"... zipple zipple ney yet.

Go see "Bubba Hotep"... Because Elvis... and the power wielded by Elvis Enterprises... commands it... and buy Lisa Marie Presley's new album.